girl power? I choose creative power
Why did I want to shave my head?
For a few years, I had this idea to shave off all my hair, and here are the reasons why:
To push me away from the beauty standards (always loved my curly hair, everybody loved my curly hair, but I’m not my curly hair so, I wanted to accept myself without curly hair and to be seen and admired, even without my curly hair);
To go against the stigma that a woman without hair is sick or had quimo. Yes, a woman! Nobody cares to bald men. Ironically, society got used to a man shaving his legs faster than woman shaving their heads; they are both free to do what they want with their bodies.
I suffer from seborrheic dermatitis and thought that maybe my scalp could benefit from a break from shampoos and all the other hair stuff;
I was curious about my scalp (not that pretty tough, but I’m already loving it).
Reasons why I actually shaved it
I was bored and craving dopamine hits;
My hair was broken and dry;
I wanted to feel in control of my appearance;
I wanted to be seen;
I felt the need to raise awareness of body stigma;
I thought I'd feel free doing it;
Because I wanted.
The outcomes
My first thought was “Oh shit! What have I done?!”. I felt the cultural oppression crushing my beliefs and saw shame stamped all over my doubting face. Suddenly, I got anxious and realized immediately two things:
How identified I am with my image - not recognizing myself in the mirror was a weird sensation. I saw how society has imprinted on me the so well defined ideal female models; how a woman should look like to be appreciated by man as if that’s supposed to be our life's purpose. Toxic phrases like “men like long hair” popped up, from the old drawers of my memories, and I felt the heaviness of that cultural burden perpetuated over the years. For a few minutes, I wished that my boyfriend was there to validate my value and tell me I was beautiful anyway. How humanly pathetic! But then, I realized a second thing.
My will is infinitely free, and at that moment, it was strong enough to move on even with society's weight. That was when I looked at the mirror and said to myself – “Fuck it!” I picked up the shaver machine and finished the job.
After all, I’m glad it wasn’t so easy as I was expecting. I’m also glad I was alone. It made me realize how much emotionally attached I still am to external expectations, even though I try to fight that attachment every day. It remembered me of the path I want to trail and getting conscious about all these emotions gave me a wonderful sensation of empowerment and freedom.
Even though this doesn't change my daily life, at the very least, in a harmless and easy way, it was a great moment of aliveness.
I felt free and really happy at the end.
Our body is a miracle in permanent change. It is not defined by creeds, it doesn't answer to cultural standards, and it doesn’t respond to prayers. It only responds to the forces of nature and, to a certain extent, to what we do with it while experiencing life in this form.
Do you believe we can take anything for granted? Well, certainly, not our appearance.
We often identify ourselves with our bodies as we identify with objects or material possessions. As if “our” body is a property and not a part of our existent self. We observe our physical shape as a segregated dimension, isolated from our mind, and frequently limiting our physical experience to sociocultural significances.
I believe we are much more.
Greater than body image is the body experience. And it is as infinite as the transformational power of the human psyche. Shaving my hair allowed me to disengage (at least, for a while) from its limited social meaning and elevate my self-perception to a more dynamic dimension of self. I was able to dive into discoveries on both physical and emotional levels and to enjoy the challenge, curiosity, and novelty of the moment.
Practical pros and cons
Cons:
My mother almost had a heart attack! I think that could have been a con. I felt a little bad about her the day after, but with a calm conversation, laughs and shared feelings, she got more curious and finally believed that I’m having fun with this.
Cold, wind, and rain. Even less pleasant now. It is as if my body and my head are living under different climates. At least, I’m sure I will make good use of my wool cap this year!
I see my face much more! Maybe this will become a pro with time (hopefully), but right now, my pimples look like volcanoes and it is much harder to ignore them!
Pros:
Shower is a whole new experience! Feeling the water falling over my head is my new favorite mindful practice.
Shampoo will last for one year! And no need for any other products.
Ten more minutes in bed on hurry mornings.
I feel my scalp already healthier, just 3 days after (less itch and scaling).
It made me happy that my patients liked my new look! Very similar to them, by the way.
It made me want to use my earrings again, now that I can see them.
My boyfriend can’t resist to touch and kiss my head (I think that’s a big bonus!).
And yeah, that’s it. Maybe with time, I can come with more thoughts on this. Till now, I can only recommend you shake your vision of yourself a little bit from time to time.
You don’t need to shave your head completely but, maybe doing that thing you've been thinking about doing for so long. It might seem scary just because of what society tells you.
And that, my friends, is a limiting belief.
Love.
